WARNING: There will be a lot of swear words in this post! My parents, please do not read. Nor any children! I don’t remember when was the last time I sweared that much like these days, so just do not think this is normal for me.
I am in Wenham, close to Boston with my friend Lola who literally saved my ass these days and I will never be thankful enough for that! I hope it will help me a little bit to forget those shitty things that happened recently.
It is hot outside now but I still have goose bumps! Those bad ones … As you already noticed on my facebook and twitter, these days are all about 2 things for me … first, the break up with that Alex, my boyfriend, and the second, looking for a place to stay for the next 2 weeks until my return flight back home.
Well, I wasn’t really sure if to write about this or not. But then hell yeah, if I could write about such a painful thing for me like the suicide of my younger brother, or my uncle dying of cancer, I should probably write about this fucking break up too! I think these three things were so far the worst three things that ever happened to me, so they deserve their own posts as all three of them have something do to with traveling. And the first two posts helped me a lot to move on so I am sure that just getting all this out of my chest and putting it in writing will help me to get over faster.
You all read about my unbelievable travel love story with Alex recently. Yes, I have to admit I have never felt that way about any guy in my past as I did about Alex. Even though we knew each other just for like 6 weeks, so many things happened during that time and we kind of lived together half of that time so got to know each other pretty well. And way faster than we probably should have. Our relationship was so intense that I felt as if I knew Alex for all my life. Never before I felt I wanted to be with a guy for long. On one hand I was always kind of scared of marriage and all that family stuff. But with Alex that terrible fear disappeared somehow and I was even looking forward to have family with that guy! This might sound crazy, I know, but it was true. Yes, it was like … I just met you and this is crazy …
But how many times have you met someone with the same name? Who eats exactly the same thing slike you do and at the same time? Who goes to toilet at the same time like you (30 times a day)? How many times you met someone who loves the same songs, has the same reason of life, wants to do the same things and visit the same places? How many times you met someone who hates the same things like you do? Who takes photos of the same weird things using the same camera like you? How many times you met someone whose good face side is the opposite to yours so you can take photos together not looking bad? Who can sleep only at the other side of the bed you sleep at? And who does not eat yolks like you? And who has just everything you were ever looking for in your partner? If I think of all the guys I have ever met and put all the things we have in common with them, they would never even reach half of all the things I had in common with Alex.
It was the shortest, the best and at the same time the worst relationship I have ever had. But at least I hope you understand my pain. I have never wanted family with any guy until I met Alex.
But if it looked like in a movie, I mean too unreal, too good to be true … then it probably was …
I know I did fuck up a lot of things in our relationship. I am too demanding and I know it. I expect too much from myself and then expect the same from the other people. But Alex had serious trust issues and he wanted a perfect relationship with no arguments, no problems. But that does not exist!!!
Ironically, the last photo I have ever taken when with Alex was a photo of strawberry heart in his house.
strawberry heart – the last photo I have ever taken with Alex
And then, the Friday night just after we came to New York City, he pushed me to the door, got me a huge bruise on my leg and left me barefoot in my pyjamas on the street … at 2 am in dangerous Brooklyn. With half of my stuff in his house back close to Washington DC. And with no place to stay since tonight Wednesday July 4 to Monday July 16 when is my return flight back home. Rebooking the flight would be too expensive (from $2500 to $3500) and find accommodation these days in NYC is unbelievably difficult because of Independance day today. Or everything is booked already, or super expensive!!! I spent the last 4 days looking for accommodation in NYC and still not lucky! I have never been in such a situation.
the bruise I got
Thankfully, I have friends. And 4 friends really helped me. Christian helped me on Saturday to get to a hostel, Lee showed me around the city and tried to make me laugh, Cody sent me some money to help me out (just out of the blue without me ever asking for it), and Lola literally saved my ass being the Ambassador of America for me! And I have not even met any of these 4 people in person before! Thank you so much!!!
But I still miss him. I see him everywhere. Everything reminds me of him. All the songs on the radio. All the clothes I put on. I can’t fall asleep at night as he was the only cure for my insomnia. I wake up sad as looking into his eyes every morning was giving me strength for the following day. I miss hugging him as it was the only thing that made me forget about the whole world and be happy. And I miss cooking for me too.
I am trying to get better now. Yes, to get over it. It is hard.
Today, we are celebrating Independance day in the US.
Even though I am not American, I am celebrating Independence day too today – independence from my boyfriend. From my ex boyfriend.
… pool party with Lola!!!
celebrating my Independence day with Lola
pool party with Lola
So yeah … life sucks sometimes! And for me it sucked a lot of times already in a really bad way … you probably know …
But I am strong and one day he will be sorry for this. It is his lost. You just never leave the person to who you say I LOVE YOU like he did. Not on the street. Not in Brooklyn. Not alone. Not without any place to stay at night. And especially not after that person literally changed all the plans and went half the world just to be with you! This is something I will never understand. And neither how I could be so wrong about him. Thinking of having family with him, dedicating all my life to him and trusting him completely … and you know already what I got in return.
And I am still here looking for accommodation in NYC. It sucks! It looks like after all this I will have to spend A LOT of money so I don’t have to sleep in Central Park. The money I was supposed to spend on vacations with my mom (me inviting!) … Holy crap! This will completely destroy my budget And I don’t remember when was the last time that I was so stressed!
But now …
I am struggling …
I am single again …
Your solo female traveler …
enjoying the Sun and the pool
And now he is just SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW …
Because apart from all the above, after I just published this post, he sent me an email saying I am like CANCER and that I will end up like my brother! I think it does not need any more comments.