Sunday afternoon I was sitting in a cafe, sipping on my 70% hot chocolate with raspberries and replying to interesting questions about my life on ”Insecurity of freedom” topic for a Slovak magazine. The journalist asked me different things not only about my professional life of blogging and why I quit everything and became a permanent nomad, but also about how happy I was in my personal life. Beside not being supported by my family as much as I would love to, to
”What’s the thing missing in your life, if there is any?”
I replied within a sec: ”a stable relationship.”
To many of you it might look like I am a super happy person with no problems, no ”bad days” but a permanent smile on my face.
But the truth is everyone has problems. Everyone is not completely happy about a thing or two.
For me, this is kind of a circle of action – reaction when not having a boyfriend who would travel with me makes me travel more to have less time to think of it. But then as well, if I happen to meet someone who would potentially be an ideal partner, I need him to be free and nomadic like me but it can’t happen overnight. The problem is I have little to no patience and I am not willing to wait until the guy makes the relevant changes. So I keep on traveling more and here comes the vicious circle.
”Can you do something about it?” the journalist was wondering.
I shrugged and looked pointlessly out of the window.
And then it all came to me. Just 2 days before the interview for that Slovak magazine, I posted about the easy rules for flirting on the road where I claimed the real dating is dead when you are traveling.
The same day I went for a date in Bratislava and let me be honest with you – I had a date after months! None of us expected anything out of it. I can’t even say we did flirt before the date. Two months of conversations on facebook and a few days of texting.
On the first date we were still not flirting with each other, but just two people with the same travel and photography obsession and millions of fun adventures and stories to share from around the world.
That was still us even after spending a lot of time for the next 3 days together. Just two people considered to be crazy by others for looking for a way to travel the world and experience the inexperienced. And two people who could spend 100% of the time hugging and traveling, if only it was possible.
As I write this, I am on a 10-hour night train back to my home town Snina with real sadness in my eyes. Unexpected tears and staring blankly say it all.
on a night train from Bratislava to Snina
Maybe I do not need to check how many points out of 55 the guy has. Maybe just the same craziness, passion for travel more than anything else, a deep look into the eyes, a smile and a hug from someone who treats me well is all I need.
Maybe I failed.
I failed at not letting another guy to get under my skin. I failed at not keeping my word with sending all guys to hell after my last break up in New York City. I did fail. I even failed with my detox days.
I always try to learn from my mistakes and also from those of others and it is not just a cliche.
However, there is one mistake I cannot learn from ever and I don’t even want to. In my opinion, it is one of the very few impossible things. No matter how many painful break ups you’ve been through in life, or how many times you have stopped looking for your better half, there is no way you don’t believe you will find him/her one day.
Perhaps you can lose faith after a break up, but hope will get to you eventually soon again. It’s been always buried somewhere there deep in your heart. And traveling makes you believe in miracles.
So here it finds me wondering … Will this guy I just went on dates with in the past few days become more than ”just” a super interesting person with similar opinions who also puts traveling to the first place in his life, or become a great memory which will make me smile but I will keep on traveling on my own?
Will it be easy to find out the answer? Hell no!
What complicates it is the fact that I am a lil scared to give it my time. I don’t want any more dramas after the last romantic story I had in 2012 when I changed the plans and it just went all wrong.
But I would be a coward if I said I never think of traveling as a couple. Of course I do. Sometimes it is much easier to be alone and count on myself only, but other times it would be more pleasant to have that perfect person next to you who can hug you any time you need it and who also happens to be way better photographer than you are.
Blogging teaches me patience, this guy taught me everyone needs 2 hugs a day to be happy. Hugs are magical. And I love to keep the people who I can learn from in my life. They just belong there.