The truth about sex when traveling
I am just sitting here in my home town Snina in Slovakia and while I open a new post just next to a post showing 69 reads, the very last centimeter of the smelling stick from Amritapuri ashram in Kerala in India burns into ashes.
The strong impossible-to-describe smell spreads around my room decorated in violet and somehow covers the suffocating smell that has been there stuck for ages. The smell of I need a guy. Can that thing even smell??
The other day I read an article that men can feel when a woman is in a cuddling/sex mood. Can feel it. Can smell it.
If that is true, then I must smell. My room must smell a lot.
The very same article in a female magazine also warned us of something.
Men are scared of those women who really show what they want and who they want it with.
It was that very moment which opened my eyes.
Is it true?
I’ve always thought men did not like our women’s yes which means no, confusing maybe when even the girl does not know what she wants and no meaning hell, yeah.
I’ve been always proud of myself for expressing my opinions and ideas as clear as possible … even though most of men around me would not understand that my yes meant yes when I said it, and it honestly meant simply yes and nothing else but yes. They would still think it’s a no just because that’s what society or media have been trying to convince them for years.
”I was so proud of myself for always being direct with I really like you, let’s do it.”
I mean … until that mentioned magazine article that shocked me!
What if they are right?
What if that’s the reason why I’ve been single for more than 2 years?
The article definitely got me wondering …
I was spending days with one of my best friends in Salou and Barcelona when that idea popped out in my head.
(Google) Facebook knows it all, right?
So I asked my fans and friends for their opinion. Could it get any more real than doing a little survey among real people out there? I posted a question on my Facebook Fanpage and then I read every single response holding my breath.
The majority said they do not mind if a girl is direct about her feelings or sexual needs if they like her, too and if she keeps some space for the guy to hunt for her.
A guy has to feed his hunting needs and believe he is the one who got the girl.
Which made me think once again …
Am I too direct?
Do I flirt too much?
I mean, I am a Scorpio after all and we are supposed to be the sexiest beasts on the planet.
I have to try really, REALLY hard to make guys think I am not flirting as I smile and laugh all the time. I hug a lot. I send smileys with hearts and kisses a lot. But that’s just me. I’m a heart person. I’m a hugger. I’m grateful for feelings I have. I love to express affection.
I do the above with my gay friends. I do it with my cousins. I do it with straight guys, too.
I LOVE so many people! Maybe it’s because of the gratitude journal, all the traveling or rough times I was forced to go through in the past … they all taught me to always look for the bright side and find good things in every person. Maybe I appreciate the little positive details about everyone so much that it confuses also the guys around me.
What my friend said in the article about 8 things you didn’t know about a girl who travels is a fact. The people I meet on the road capture my heart and remain there long after we have parted ways. I cannot change it and let me be honest. Even if I could change it, I would not want to. Emotions and feelings make me human, they make me who I am and I am proud of it.
And if someone is scared of me telling him the truth about how I feel about him, maybe he does not belong into my life.
People are scared of expressing feelings.
People are scared of showing they are vulnerable.
People are scared of showing they do care.
But you know what I am scared of?
NOT putting my thoughts and emotions out there.
I am afraid of leaving someone behind without letting him know I like him. I would regret that, I am sure.
When I sit here staring out of the window and looking at the tall trees being moved by the strong wind, they remind me of myself. I am a tall tree which is being bent and formed by guys, the wind. They might even come and go as quickly as the breeze does. One from the East, one from the West, and then another one hits me like a cold thunderstorm and leaves me destroyed for a while.
You remember when I wrote a post stating 25 reasons why travel is better than sex? I meant every point of it even though I wrote it in a funny way to keep up with the name of my blog.
In those almost 5 and a half years of travel blogging I’ve only had 3 relationships. One, when I honestly thought I would marry that guy. However, it ended up really bad then and I had to celebrate the Independence day as independence from my ex boyfriend.
Then the second one, and I am not even sure I should call it a relationship, was a few months after the last incident but we broke up just before I left on a trip which he was about to join me on soon.
And then the third one came in the first half of 2016 and that was really THE WORST relationship I’ve ever had. It was with a Slovak guy I really wanted to ”settle down” for but he was the one who taught me 1 very important thing when it comes to relationships with men.
Travel bloggers and relationships is a very tough topic.
I know I can be a bitch when things don’t work out my way, but hello?! (I’m working on it with meditation, trust me!) We all have pros and cons. The worst thing about it all?
Both last ex boyfriends told me: ”You don’t even need me.”
First of all, why all the guys pretend they want an independent woman who will take care of herself?
Yes, that’s bullshit! The majority of guys who crossed my path ARE freaking scared of independent women.
And what’s worse? They are even scared to admit it.
And second, if I want a guy instead of needing him it means way more to me than if I just needed a guy. Why?
Because if I need a guy (and I am not scared of saying I freaking do need a guy!), I need just any guy. I need hugs, some TLC, I need kisses, or sex, etc. And those needs could be fulfilled with/by simply anyone.
However, if I want someone, I want that special guy I tell it to. Him and no one else at that moment. Not just any guy.
Does it make sense to you?
Anyway, those guys were a nightmare. After those breakups everything was falling apart. But looking back, I see that those times allowed so many other things to fall together instead.
PS: If you are going through a breakup, read 15 ways how to get over a breakup easier 😉
Sex when traveling
Anyway, we finally get to the sex on the road which is why you are reading this post for in the first place. (Am I reading your mind?)
Traveling has changed me enormously and it keeps doing so.
But do I need to change my principle of sleeping just with a guy I am REALLY attracted to both mentally and physically and start letting anyone into my pants just because I am traveling?
Ok, yes, it does make it easier to make out with someone, enjoy whatever you want to and then just keep the good memories and forget the rest about the person. You could easily do so as most of the time you would not reunite with the guy again. It definitely makes it easier if you don’t have to go through those weird accidents when you bump into each other in the city where you live and you don’t even know if to say hi or pretend you’ve never met before.
Traveling might sort that problem, that’s for sure.
But would it still honor the person I am? Would it still make me feel good about myself if I slept with hundreds of guys just because I might not see them again?
Don’t get me wrong.
I am not going to pretend I am a nun.
No, I am not going to lie I did not have a one night stand.
Because hell yes, I did.
That Australian guy was HOT, he could not stop smiling at me all day long and then all the compliments I got from him? Oh boy! Heart-warming! The memories of how he expressed his interest in me still makes me smile.
No, I am not going to lie I did not have a one night stand with an Argentinian guy in Mexico after spending an hour in a huge jacuzzi with him listening to his cutest accent. But that was our third unplanned meeting in the third different country after Panama and Costa Rica within half a year.
No, I am not going to lie either that I did not have sex with a Ukrainian guy on a restaurant table (the only one out of 2 hot Ukrainians I’ve ever met and the other one is gay!) But it was after he did everything he saw in my eyes for 2 weeks and even practiced yoga with me.
And I’m sure the next one will make your imagination go wilder than a rolllercoaster…
No, I am not going to lie I did not have a threesome with Swiss guys in Barcelona (and no, it’s NOT the reason why Barcelona became my favorite city in the world). It was actually 3 of them, one better looking than another, all three ripped, taller than me and super sweet! We kept running into each other on the beach for a few days in a row during my first solo trip to Barcelona many years ago and somehow we celebrated our last night together in an unexpected ”awkward” way. The worst thing was that the one of them I liked the most had a girlfriend so he was in the room next door and it turned out the guy I was attracted to the least was the best one in the end and also the only one I’ve kept in touch with for a few years ever since. The result about groupensex? I’ve tried it once and never again. Not my kind of thing.
Yes, I did make out with the guys mentioned above.
But I also refused hundreds of guys … and the fact of meeting them when traveling did not make me think twice before I said no.
So why don’t I have loads of sex when traveling?
Why don’t I make the most of the situation if I could with (almost) no one else knowing about it?
That’s hell of a question I’ve given myself million times.
I have my personal principles I don’t violate …
I might be too demanding …
I might be asking for too much when I want an ideal guy with 55 points …
I might not want to have sex with a drunk guy and definitely not with a smoker …
I might not to mess up with travel bloggers … Bloggers talk a lot and I don’t like that. Plus, after attending around 10 travel blogger conferences around the world I’ve had my period at every single one of them. Must be a clear no sex sign, right? (PS: there ar a few hot + cute bloggers I’ve had my eye on but don’t tell anyone.)
I might want to get to know the person I let to touch me then …
I might not appreciate a guy who does not have the balls to claim me as soon as I show my interest just because he gets too scared …
I might not let all the I-have-a-gf-home-but-I’m-single-on-the-road or the it’s-complicated guys too close to me … (one of the principles is not to be with someone who is NOT 100% single and I am very strict with this one.)
I might be surrounded with gay guys too much … (and I have no idea why is that, so don’t ask me. But gays are all around me and I could not LOVE them more.)
I might not be at the right place in the right time as many times when something could happen, there’s just no place/not the right moment to do so …
I might not be traveling on my own enough any more to have time/place to have sex when I really want it …
I might flirt too much with the guys I really like and the fact they see my feelings towards them scares them …
I might be getting older …
I might be thinking too much recently about finally fining THE one …
I might avoid guys who are shorter than be just because it makes me feel like I am their mother while I am the one who needs to feel supported in here and for that I need a taller guy who is bigger than me …
I might focus on my spiritual path more and more each day trying to convince myself you lose important energy you when having sex that you could maybe use in a more productive way …
Or maybe I just seem to be attracted to guys who are scared of me but then on the other hand I also attract guys I am not interested in at all …
But believe me or not, I know that similarly to the guys I’ve had the best sex with … those who never had enough courage to move forward have taught me a lot.
They did not teach me the kamasutra positions I enjoy the most, nor the weirdest places on Earth where I could scream out of joy.
However, those guys did teach me more about myself, both as a woman and as a person.
I am eternally grateful for all the guys who showed me what kind of guys I do not want because it made me appreciate even more each time I’ve run into a great man.
I am grateful for all the guys who showed me I was not good enough for them because they gave me more time to work harder on who I really want to become.
I am eternally grateful for all the guys who tried to show me I am good only for sex and nothing else because they made me a stronger woman who has more balls than them to follow her dreams.
I am so grateful for all the guys who were not those I needed because I don’t need a guy to make me happy. The happiness is deeper within me than his d*ck would ever be.
I am grateful for all the guys who hurt my feelings because they just proved me I am still a sensitive human being who does care.
I am immensely grateful for all the guys who left me with my loneliless because it was only in those moments of darkness when I learned to love myself the way I am.
I am grateful for all the guys who never replied to my messages because I am freaking sure now I do not want to be a coward pretending I don’t see things.
I am more than eternally grateful for all the guys who cheated on me because now I know I would never like to be the person with who someone else would be cheated on.
I am grateful for all the ”lost” opportunities because they taught me I could go without sex for 10 months without losing my mind completely.
I am grateful for all the ”maybes” because I learned how unclear I don’t want to be when I don’t like someone enough.
I am grateful for all the guys who treated me badly because I realized that my own company is better than just settling down for anyone.
I am grateful for all the guys who didn’t appreciate my intelligence nor independance because it just makes me more proud of myself each time I can understand yet another language or solve a problem on my own.
I am truly grateful for all the motherfuckers who taught their penis is a magic stick that will make my problems disappear …
So here you go, that’s my truth about sex when traveling the world.
PS: THANK YOU.
Thank you for the sex we had and thank you for the sex we did not and never will.
It both means a world to me!
So please remember … I will not sleep with you just because you don’t live behind the corner and I might never see you again. That’s not a good enough reason, my man. And no, I am not sorry about it.