Relationships with guys – 1 thing I’ve learned
A few days ago I found myself again in a very familiar situation as something similar has happened to me several times already. I just came home from a trip to Bratislava where I went mostly because of a guy I started dating not that earlier before.
I mean, sure, the unexpected changes played a big role in my decision, too. Staying at home those days where teaching yoga was not possible (usually I do teach up to 5 times a week when there but we didn’t have a free room that week) and where our apartment building was undergoing reconstruction (read super noisy for any online work) made me think going to the capital to spend time with a guy was a good thing to do. I took it all as a sign. Plus, he had a free apartment those days just to himself. How many more signs did I need to spend 10 hours on a train to get to Bratislava?
So I forgot about everything and appeared there with a sweet gift for him. But after a few days it turned out it was not such a good decision and I was angry with myself I didn’t listen to my intuition which was telling me to leave after the first 4 days but stayed for another 4 anyway. My bad!
Anyway, a very similar situation has been repeating itself in my life for many times.
Always the same relationships with guys…
I have to admit I’ve worked on it so much that I thought it would not come back ever again. I believed I have changed many aspects of my behavior, became calmer, learned to listen the other person before reacting… And most of all, I thought I’ve learned how to finally love myself and was sure about not letting any man make me feel like I don’t deserve better just because he can’t keep his word, he can’t show his love enough or simply because he can’t be MAN with capital M when being with a woman.
Boy, was I wrong!
Yet another man has showed me I still sometimes put men in front of me, my habits, my lifestyle, my hobbies, my values, my friends and my family…
Yet another man has showed me I prefer to spend time with him instead of working and doing my things first and then giving him my (very little, mostly non-existent) free time…
Yet another man has showed me it is not worth it and because he doesn’t appreciate my time it makes me feel like shit. You know what I mean… It looks like my time is not precious.
relationships with guys
It took me years of the same attitude from men to realize I am indeed attracting it.
Maybe somewhere in between the lines I am showing my time is not valuable because I can work any time from anywhere and if I don’t work for a week I can catch up with it a month later. To me it means freedom, to others maybe my time is not important.
Maybe I am showing I don’t need to spend time with my family and friends that much because I am on the road a lot anyways so they are used to it; and I should be used to seeing them very rarely, too.
Maybe I am showing many more things I am not even aware of. Maybe somewhere deep inside me I don’t believe that the way men treat me actually says loads about them and not about me personally.
… But if the first guy I ever thought of getting married to left me in NYC at 2 am alone at the streets of Brooklyn after I flew from Slovakia to the US to spend a month with him, then I am doing something wrong. (You remember my Independence day?!)
If another guy I arranged 3 months of traveling for so he could go with me, couldn’t handle the situation 3 days before we were supposed to leave on the trip and he let me go alone, then I am doing something wrong.
And if now the last guy didn’t appreciate that I dedicated him the whole week leaving all my work, friends and family in need behind, then I am really doing something wrong.
Maybe I should “work” on my self-esteem and self-respect even loads more.
Maybe I should finally understand that sometimes changing everything because of a guy (and I do not mean after years of a relationship) is not good in his eyes. For me it means I really want to do anything I can just to be with him. But for him it might feel like I am pushing it too much. He might think I cannot do anything without him. He might think that despite of my free lifestyle all of a sudden I do depend on him. And although it’s not true at all, maybe I am the only one who can see the real reason behind why I give all my time to a guy.
Maybe I just really cared about him… Or maybe my ego was really hurt.
Zabak
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No, záver je správny.
S tym druhym by sme mali byt schopni zazit viac nez zazivame bez neho. Nie menej.
Hlavne sa v tom moc nevrtaj, a hladaj dalej. Niekde je. Tiez ta hlada. Ked sa budes obzerat a nacahovat za nim tak ho najdes. Aj ked bude mozno az patnasty v poradi. Nevadi. Patri to k zivotu ;)
Z
Crazy Sexy Fun Traveler
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pekne si to napisal ;) dakujem :)
Micamyx|Senyorita
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Awww… I just realized we haven’t really talked about men (or ermmm… boys?) in a long time so I am not updated with the latest one. Just keep loving yourself and since things are going well with your career now back home, maybe you should focus on that more. Don’t worry, the right one will just appear one day :) Miss ya!
Crazy Sexy Fun Traveler
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Sweetheart, thanks so much as usual ;) Missing our conversations and hope to see you soon again, very soon ;)