My last platonic love that made me angry
I speak about my personal life on this travel blog quite a bit, as I know you guys like those stories. And I just had to calm myself down getting it all out of my chest 🙂
I remember clearly the guys I used to be in platonic love with when I was a teenager.
I think we all had teenage platonic loves, or idols we spent hours thinking of, looking at their photos and dreaming of spending time with them. In 90 % of all those cases, nothing ever happened in real. It was our secret, or less secret platonic love for ages and then slowly disappeared and a new object of interest came by.
In the last years I had two idols, the actors from the Vampire Diaries, and I did meet them in person at Bloody Night Con Event in Barcelona last year. But this article is about something different than a celebrity idol.
Yes, so many teenage loves! But I never thought I could be in a sort of platonic love with someone when adult already. Being 27?!
It sounds really stupid! Yes, I admit! But be honest with yourself now.
Doesn’t it happen to you also from time to time? That you find yourself dreaming of the abs of that actor or that unbelievably hot singer you just saw on TV? I bet you do. Or you just met someone while traveling, you liked the person but never had a chance for anything to happen … and you just day-dream of something.
Yeah, it happens to all of us! I am sure! (Not that I’m trying to find an excuse for this stupidity of mine now!)
My latest platonic love story started almost 9 months ago (OMG!) when I saw the photo of this guy after he gave me a LIKE to my travel blog and became one of my facebook fans.
Oh Gosh, and I so liked him straight away!
Logically, I sent him a friend request after and since he confirmed it, we talked sometimes. Not too often, though. For my biggest surprise I found myself looking at his photos more often than at any other friends’. Yeah, I realized … he became my platonic love.
I never really believed that anything could ever happen between us (not that I didn’t dream of that because yes, many nights during those more than 8 months I woke up from a hot crazy and fun dream with him.)
I never really told him anything, apart from some sexy, honey and cute stuff (probably I messed it up with the cute word haha, men hate it.)
Than he moved for a couple of months to South America when I headed off to South East Asia. I remember that after I published the first 20 things my ideal man should have and then the 21 – 55 things of my ideal man, he commented on it that I should go and meet him to have some crazy fun … and stuff like this. It was the first time he actually said something of that kind.
My first hope? Silly!
It was after publishing those 2 articles when I realized this guy had it all. Extremely good-looking, traveler, intelligent, taller than me, loves South America and Spanish, can cook, loves children etc etc.
He could really get high on that 55 list.
After Christmas in East Slovakia, I planned my trip to South America, too.
I am not going to say that he was the main reason for my South American adventure, because South America, together with Mexico and Spain have always been my favorite places in the world.
But he was the only person I really wanted to meet up with while in South America, and I do know many people all around there. (Really sorry now for all my other friends in South America!)
I was so looking forward to my trip and meeting him, too. The good thing was that he was exactly supposed to be in a town at the same time I planned to visit it. And I couldn’t wait.
Since he knew about my South American trip, he told me a couple of times that he and his flat were waiting for me there, that I just had to come over and say hi … and he mentioned CRAZY, FUN and TROUBLE … (No more comments!)
I was counting down the days. But then, when I knew the exact dates of my visit and sent him a message, his answer was to find another accommodation just in case he was in the countryside those days. OUCH! You must be kidding me!
Where is the DISLIKE button?!
He said he was going to be definitely in the town 2 days after my dates so I moved everything 2 days later just to meet him. So stupid of me!
That way I thought I made my Rurrenabaque boat jungle trip impossible in the end of the month because of the visa (if I wanted to stay longer in the town just to see him, I had to decide which one of the other places I was not going to visit because of not enough time any more and Rurrenabaque was the longest visit, soooo sad!)
I still gave him my phone number. I still wanted to see him. Why?!
As if it was not enough with all the bad signs already, I got strong sinusitis after my Uyuni salt flat trip just a day before going to the town. I felt really bad. And I got the period at the same time. It just meant one thing – NO FUN!
I could hardly speak, move or even smile.
Everything hurt me like hell and having to walk just 10 metres made me really weak. The altitude was making it all worse.
I came to the town one day later as the day I was supposed to go I almost fainted. I haven’t been so sick for ages! Just everything went wrong those days in Bolivia. Already in the town, my phone never rang. The second day was the day of the event he was helping with for the last months in the town. I knew he was busy these days. I got it. But it is not an excuse, I think.
I finally felt a bit better so I asked a friend of mine to go for lunch with me, to look after me, just in case. We walked through the plaza where the event took place but I didn’t see him there. Being far away already, I turned and maybe spotted him.
I was not 100% sure though. He was probably somewhere in between all those people there. We had lunch with my friend, did things in the town we had to do and later went back to the hostel. I was exhausted and had to sit down. Felt dizzy again. I walked so much after 3 days without moving, so I had to stay in bed for the rest of the day feeling bad again.
I can’t say I was in love with this guy. I did like him a lot, yes. I haven’t done anything for any guy for like 2 years.
Now I am not sure if I am angry with him, or more pissed off with myself for having changed the plans, cutting off Rurrenabaque boat trip from my bucket list just to see that guy which never happened. I am angry that I let this to happen. I usually don’t eat the sweet bullshit talk from guys. And I just hate when someone says something and then never keeps his word. To be honest, I never expected anything from him, it is impossible to expect anything from someone you don’t know. But still, it is all about the principles. I am not 15 any more, I don’t need to hear sweet cute things into my ear and then the only thing I see is no guts to do anything. Not even to meet me. (Not speaking about anything serious now!)
But probably I am just angry with myself more than with him…
Maybe he didn’t even know that I meant what I was saying.
Maybe he thought I say that to everyone.
Maybe he never took seriously what he was saying.
Maybe it was just the wrong time to come to the town during his last days here.
Or maybe everything happens for a reason and one day I will understand THE reason … And maybe he will never find out all this …
Maybe he was really waiting for me to tell him I was in the town already, like he said.
Maybe it was just not meant to be … Too many maybes!
The funny thing is that it really looks like it was just not meant to be. I was supposed to go to the other town the same night like he was. My bus was cancelled so I stayed for one more day. But the following day the bus got cancelled again which means I am not going to that other town any more. No more time. No second chance to meet up with him. Destiny? 🙁
Now, my last platonic love … is over! Shame, I really liked that guy!
And I don’t want to seem like a furious girl now or anything, but writing this all down made me much calmer and I can continue my trip to a different town leaving my platonic love story behind me.