15 ways to get over a breakup
I know very well this is not a relationship nor a self improvement blog, but a blog about traveling around the world instead. However, over years I’ve found out that each time I write about bad things that have happened in my life (be it my brother’s suicide, my uncle’s cancer, my Independence from my American boyfriend), many people can relate it.
People react to personal things all the time because of two reasons. Those who are jealous and do not wish good to others are happy to see others get in trouble… And those who are like me and are more human, feel sorry. They feel they can identify with me better through emotions. Because let’s be honest, each human being can feel something now matter how hard they might try not to.
Very few people who know me only from the online world know that since I was 16, I went from one relationship to another and pretty much would spent almost 10 years in 6 relationships. That was before I started travel blogging in September 2010.
Since then I’ve had a few relationships but very short ones and I began to look at things in a different way. I finally learned it’s NOT good to start something with a new guy until I’ve completely sorted out the previous one in both my head and heart.
I am a list person. It just works well with me to write it all down so my brain can understand it better and I don’t have to think about it any more once it is on paper/in my laptop. It might sound funny or ilogical to many, but over time I’ve developed a list of things to help me get over a hurtful breakup. My best friends laugh at me saying that as quickly as I can fall in love, I can ”fall out of love”, too following the below breakup list.
Because recently I was dating a guy for a couple of months (the same guy I stayed at the Hotel Solisko Strbske pleso with), I went over the list to get him out of my head for good. He was the guy who made me realize my biggest mistake when it comes to me and men. You can read all about it in my post 1 thing I learned from my relationships.
15 ways to get over a breakup:
1. I go through my article about my ideal man and also its second part (right, yet another list that many people do not understand at all) and trying to be very honest, I count all the ”points” my ex has 100%. Less than a half of those 55 opens my eyes in an enormous way because many of those things are something I would not be able to tolerate if they were different. I tried and it was not a good idea.
2. I write down a numbered list of all the ex boyfriend’s vices (character + physical + mental + behaviour etc.), and also cons and negative things that has happened in our relationship that hurt me and in my opinion should not be like that. I have to put it all together when I am the most angry with my ex so every single detail goes on the list. Then when I still think about him or about giving it yet another chance, I read it over and over until I realize it is really not worth my time any more and I am better off.
3. I sit down to write a list of positive things I’ve learned from the whole experience. Yes, another list! I reflect on the whole relationship and try to understand why things happened they way they did and what I can learn from it. I contemplate on what I did wrong and what I can and need to improve. I need to see what I did not like to know what I can change in future. It helps me not to repeat the same mistakes again. I believe that we should learn from every situation in life, do you agree?
4. I write down a list of all my good qualities or I check my notes for an older list. We all know a bad relationship usually completely destroys our ego and positive opinions about ourselves, right? I mean the ego of one of the partners is sometimes responsible for a breakup anyway, but in a way after a breakup we all need to start feeling as a whole person again. And a list of the things I have achieved, I like about my personality or about myself physically definitely helps me to feel better and regain lost self-love.
5. Meditation, meditation and more meditation. I tend to meditate every single morning but after a breakup I feel I need to calm down even more. So I choose a meditation in the park, on a bench, by a river, on the beach, on a couch… anywhere I can to reconnect with my inner self.
6. I make new travel plans. Traveling forces me to go through new experiences and pay full attention to new environments, new culture, new destination, new people, new activities. No wonder many people do ”escape” from ”real” life because traveling makes them feel more alive and gives them less time to think about what is not happening right now and right there where they are. It’s the same with me. As I often travel less when dating someone so we can spend more time together, then after a breakup I am free like a bird to fly somewhere again. So I always book flights 🙂
7. I spend more time with my family and friends if possible, or at least talk to them more if I am on the other side of the world. It’s a similar story to traveling. I generally prioritize my boyfriend over family and friends so once I am not with him any more, I choose to give my free time to people dear to my heart. Obviously, it’s the best relief to talk it all out of my chest when my best friends are listening to me. Just speaking about the breakup helps me realize many things.
8. I catch up with online work and writing. Same thing as above. Because I somehow feel ”guilty” for choosing a guy instead of work many times, I give myself a day or two after a breakup to digest it all and then fully focus on work again. After it didn’t work well with the guy before I managed to write 2 ebooks (approx. 260 pages!) in 2 months and write many articles at the same time.
9. I start working out like crazy and eating the healthiest I can again. Very few of my ex boyfriends were following such an extreme healthy and fitness lifestyle as I usually am, so spending more time with them meant less healthy meals and less exercise, too. But I have to admit, I am always in the best physical shape not long after breakups. I practice yoga almost every day, go on long walks, and swim and hike whenever possible. Sports are awesome to improve my self-esteem!
10. I clean the apartment/hotel room/my wardrobe/my suitcase mess and throw unnecessary material things away. The more things I get rid of, the more space I will have for new things. Greater things that are yet to come.
11. I go on a motorbike trip. Motorbikes are my big passion and even though I am scared of riding one personally since an accident years ago, sitting on a motorbike when someone else is riding is still one of the most relaxing feelings ever. It can clean my head like nothing else. Observing the nature fast and furious? Oh yeah!
12. I read inspirational ebooks (different topic than relationships), listen to my favorite music (cannot be the same I listened to when with him), watch motivational videos… Anything that is eleasing the anxiety, e.g. relaxing positive frequency music.
13. I do not do the same things as I did with him and I avoid the same places I’ve been to with him. I take a different route, dine at different restaurant, wear different clothes… simply get him out of my everyday life asap as much as I can. Logically, checking his social media accounts or our old messages/photos would not be a good idea at all. TRUST ME!
14. I go to sauna. Sauna, a salt bath, peeling, massages and any other spa treatments are a great way to relax both my body and mind and my Adventure and Spa project is helping me with that a lot. I do a juice detox for a few days or at least 16-hour intermittent fasting every single day to make me feel like a brand new person. Physical detox is beneficial to feel better not only physically, but also mentally.
15. I forgive you (fill in his name), I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive myself, I forgive myself, I forgive myself, I forgive you, I forgive myself… I keep repeating this until I cannot feel anything bad/weird/negative/angry. I believe that I cannot recover and move on with my life keeping a negative feeling. Do you agree?
As you can see, this blog is like a therapy to me and each time I write about negative situations, I can move forward way easier. This is when posts such as bloggers and relationships or blogging is like life were written, too.
Are any of my tips helpful? Would you add anything else? What has helped you to get over a breakup? Share in the comments.